There are times where we
question ourselves as human beings. We question our abilities, our futures, our
beliefs, our morals & sometimes, our faith. Circumstances and situations
bring these questions to the forefront. And if we're lucky, some of us have people
in our lives who make us analyze ourselves constructively. Let's face it, all
of us have our own insecurities to deal with and demons to conquer. It's in
these battles, we find out who we really are, what we're really made of &
our purpose in life.
One thing I've learned during these last few years of constant transformation is that it starts and ends with self. For the sake of growth and development, it is imperative for us to spend quality time with ourselves. Let us use these moments as an opportunity to get to know who we are, with all the things we love about ourselves sharing space with our flaws and insecurities. Acknowledge and address it with the mindset of becoming a better overall person. There is so much to gain from this process. Its human nature to want to be loved, appreciated, affirmed, wanted & needed by someone. However, it is unhealthy for us to solely rely on others to validate our existence. I believe we must be able to love ourselves honestly before seeking the validation of others. If we were solely dependent on others to validate us, we'd be walking around with a dejected sense of worthlessness most of the time, as well as falling victim to energy vampires who can infiltrate our lives by way of saying what we want to hear. On occasion it's hard to tell whose genuine interest in us is sincere. There's plenty of people who are quite adept at deception and masking their true intentions. Also, there are others who use their past experience to justify their treatment of people. You gotta be a good judge of character and trust yourself to spot them, point them out & get them out your life as fast as possible. I speak for myself when I say that I've done an amazing job of figuring people out, their intentions, and their place in my life. Some got promoted. Others got demoted. Several voluntarily changed their status or outright left. Whatever the reason for the change, I knew that the love I had for myself was going to outlast their impact on my life. I'ma be good either way, regardless of the title they held.
In my lifetime, I had people who I loved express to me through actions (and sometimes words) that who I was wasn't good enough for their personal standards (whatever that may be). I can't even begin to express the pain which comes with seeing that be stated. It hurts like hell. Even though I understand not everybody is going to love everything about you, but to be told that your efforts into being the best human you can be isn't enough? By people who you invested time & energy in, despite THEIR shortcomings? The same people you forgave over and over for their transgressions? The same people you went to bat for on many occasions (and usually hit the ball out the park in their defense)? To see your efforts go unreciprocated, unappreciated, and scrutinized as not good for their liking? The hurt turns into anger. Fast. It makes you not want to trust anybody ever again. Makes you want to put walls up. Isolate yourself so you won't have to feel the agony of enduring such heartbreak. You'd feel so justified in projecting your trust & abandonment issues onto everybody that you'd be blind to the collateral damage you would create. Pretty soon, it'll be just you, by yourself, along with the issues you've never resolved. Those issues will be keeping you company in a metaphorical castle built by years of insecurity, fear, suppression, as well as internal demons. That's not the life I want to live.
On everything, if my faith wasn't as strong as I built it up to be (with help from a small number of loving, patient people), I would be a walking projectile of bitter hurt fuckboyness. I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror convincingly and say with all the confidence in the universe "I AM ENOUGH". I love myself too much to allow self-depreciation to be my realty. I'm not a victim. I refuse to be a victim. I'm a survivor. The hurt which I've experienced has left me with scars, but it has not affected my ability to move forward. I still choose to live my life by way of eschewing love from within. I'm just more cognizant of what I see & hear before elevating with someone to the next level of love. It must be earned. My empathy is too overwhelming, too much love in my heart to suppress it and not give it to myself and those who want/need/deserve it.
When you're comfortable in your own skin and love yourself unconditionally, nobody can penetrate your sense of worth. You stop living your life for others & define your path, your destiny, what success & progression means to you. As I write this, I have a specific family member in my ear, telling me how they don't see any improvement in my development, and how they don't expect to see a change anytime soon. They claim I'm the same person they remember me being. My reaction? I laugh, smile & tell them that their opinion on my life and the direction it's headed are irrelevant, because I'm not here to live my life on what they think is beneficial for progression. I could really care less about their expectations for me. What matters to me first and last are the expectations and standards I put on myself. If I have a shit to give somewhere in the middle about what they think, and I feel it can help me grow & it's coming from a good place, then maybe, just maybe, I'll take it in consideration. Otherwise, keep it. Even when I get down on myself & I don't feel like I'm living up to the high standards I hold myself to, my belief in self is unmoved by the opinions of those who doubt me, or those who have something to say when I don't meet THEIR expectations.
So instead of faking the funk about showing love, we gonna keep it 100 from here on out: If you want to be in MY life, show me you're willing to put in the time, effort & energy. Show me you're willing to make the investment. I promise you, if you do that & are committed to open-minded growth as a human being, we can build strong bonds that will transcend several lifetimes. If not, I gotta keep it moving. Not sorry. I'm not putting in more than I'm getting out no more. I love me too damm much to waste my powerful aura on those who can't appreciate, are too lazy to reciprocate, or want to project their cynical expectations onto me. Same thing I tell my players, I'ma state here: I don't coach effort. You either want it, or you don't. I ain't got no problem giving my all, for the reason that is what I expect from myself. But if the effort is not there on the other side, you gotta go. Trust me when I say your presence will not be missed. It may take some time, but I assure you, my life will go on. I got my Inner Circle, supportive family members, and most importantly, ME.
One thing I've learned during these last few years of constant transformation is that it starts and ends with self. For the sake of growth and development, it is imperative for us to spend quality time with ourselves. Let us use these moments as an opportunity to get to know who we are, with all the things we love about ourselves sharing space with our flaws and insecurities. Acknowledge and address it with the mindset of becoming a better overall person. There is so much to gain from this process. Its human nature to want to be loved, appreciated, affirmed, wanted & needed by someone. However, it is unhealthy for us to solely rely on others to validate our existence. I believe we must be able to love ourselves honestly before seeking the validation of others. If we were solely dependent on others to validate us, we'd be walking around with a dejected sense of worthlessness most of the time, as well as falling victim to energy vampires who can infiltrate our lives by way of saying what we want to hear. On occasion it's hard to tell whose genuine interest in us is sincere. There's plenty of people who are quite adept at deception and masking their true intentions. Also, there are others who use their past experience to justify their treatment of people. You gotta be a good judge of character and trust yourself to spot them, point them out & get them out your life as fast as possible. I speak for myself when I say that I've done an amazing job of figuring people out, their intentions, and their place in my life. Some got promoted. Others got demoted. Several voluntarily changed their status or outright left. Whatever the reason for the change, I knew that the love I had for myself was going to outlast their impact on my life. I'ma be good either way, regardless of the title they held.
In my lifetime, I had people who I loved express to me through actions (and sometimes words) that who I was wasn't good enough for their personal standards (whatever that may be). I can't even begin to express the pain which comes with seeing that be stated. It hurts like hell. Even though I understand not everybody is going to love everything about you, but to be told that your efforts into being the best human you can be isn't enough? By people who you invested time & energy in, despite THEIR shortcomings? The same people you forgave over and over for their transgressions? The same people you went to bat for on many occasions (and usually hit the ball out the park in their defense)? To see your efforts go unreciprocated, unappreciated, and scrutinized as not good for their liking? The hurt turns into anger. Fast. It makes you not want to trust anybody ever again. Makes you want to put walls up. Isolate yourself so you won't have to feel the agony of enduring such heartbreak. You'd feel so justified in projecting your trust & abandonment issues onto everybody that you'd be blind to the collateral damage you would create. Pretty soon, it'll be just you, by yourself, along with the issues you've never resolved. Those issues will be keeping you company in a metaphorical castle built by years of insecurity, fear, suppression, as well as internal demons. That's not the life I want to live.
On everything, if my faith wasn't as strong as I built it up to be (with help from a small number of loving, patient people), I would be a walking projectile of bitter hurt fuckboyness. I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror convincingly and say with all the confidence in the universe "I AM ENOUGH". I love myself too much to allow self-depreciation to be my realty. I'm not a victim. I refuse to be a victim. I'm a survivor. The hurt which I've experienced has left me with scars, but it has not affected my ability to move forward. I still choose to live my life by way of eschewing love from within. I'm just more cognizant of what I see & hear before elevating with someone to the next level of love. It must be earned. My empathy is too overwhelming, too much love in my heart to suppress it and not give it to myself and those who want/need/deserve it.
When you're comfortable in your own skin and love yourself unconditionally, nobody can penetrate your sense of worth. You stop living your life for others & define your path, your destiny, what success & progression means to you. As I write this, I have a specific family member in my ear, telling me how they don't see any improvement in my development, and how they don't expect to see a change anytime soon. They claim I'm the same person they remember me being. My reaction? I laugh, smile & tell them that their opinion on my life and the direction it's headed are irrelevant, because I'm not here to live my life on what they think is beneficial for progression. I could really care less about their expectations for me. What matters to me first and last are the expectations and standards I put on myself. If I have a shit to give somewhere in the middle about what they think, and I feel it can help me grow & it's coming from a good place, then maybe, just maybe, I'll take it in consideration. Otherwise, keep it. Even when I get down on myself & I don't feel like I'm living up to the high standards I hold myself to, my belief in self is unmoved by the opinions of those who doubt me, or those who have something to say when I don't meet THEIR expectations.
So instead of faking the funk about showing love, we gonna keep it 100 from here on out: If you want to be in MY life, show me you're willing to put in the time, effort & energy. Show me you're willing to make the investment. I promise you, if you do that & are committed to open-minded growth as a human being, we can build strong bonds that will transcend several lifetimes. If not, I gotta keep it moving. Not sorry. I'm not putting in more than I'm getting out no more. I love me too damm much to waste my powerful aura on those who can't appreciate, are too lazy to reciprocate, or want to project their cynical expectations onto me. Same thing I tell my players, I'ma state here: I don't coach effort. You either want it, or you don't. I ain't got no problem giving my all, for the reason that is what I expect from myself. But if the effort is not there on the other side, you gotta go. Trust me when I say your presence will not be missed. It may take some time, but I assure you, my life will go on. I got my Inner Circle, supportive family members, and most importantly, ME.
I got a bright future. Whether you want to be a part of it or not, the ball is in your court. Either way, I'm highly favored.
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